Last night I had a dream

I dreamt of a little girl. She was clutching a white rabbit to her chest as I followed her through an old building. I looked around myself, trying to figure out where am I. The walls were filled with spider web and dirt, barely standing. This place was definitely some kind of abandoned building. She led to the staircase and we started climbing up until we reached the elevator. I know, it doesn't even make sense to me either.  Elevator at the end of the stairs? Hah! We walked into it and started going up. We stopped on every floor, went out of the elevator, looked around a bit and then she would take me back inside to go higher. The thing is that every floor was different. The higher we went, the smaller floors got. And I don't mean that they just had less space, they had less floor and more darkness. It scared me, I felt like it's getting to me, the darkness is threatening me. 

It didn't take us long to reach the top floor. Before the elevator door opened she turned to me and gave a look of thousand meanings. I could see sorrow, pain, compassion, love, nostalgia, warning and so many other emotions combined with that one look. She turned her look away and the door opened. 

There was nothing. The whole floor was made out of darkness, only one tile on the floor was left to stand on. We were both so scared. I couldn't move, all I could think was how everything was terrifying. 'Why did she bring me here? Is this some kind of nightmare? Am I going to wake up now? Please, if this is a nightmare, let me wake up now.' ran through my head. I turn around and see her. She is sitting on that tiny tyle, her rabbit close to her hear. She was so scared, I had to help her. I couldn't just let her be like that.  So I did the only thing I knew, I kneeled next to her and held her in my arms. 

It felt like she was my missing piece, the one I was missing. She needed me to be strong, she needed me to help her, she needed me to save us, she needed me.

As soon as I felt that, the tyles spread, the room got so big and bright. Even some furniture appeared. She looked up at me and I could see her eyes glowing with pride. 

I jolted up from my sleep. Her image was still clear in my mind. 

The building was in the same state as my mind. The floors were represented my career advancements, the darkness represented my depression, missing floor pieces represented my feelings since I often feel like everything is closing in on me. And the girl, the girl was 5-years-old me, the one that was determined to conquer the world, the one that believed that kindness is the solution to every problem.  

I guess that by chasing my career and constantly failing, I stopped paying attention to how I feel and how that cruel world was affecting me. I was so desperate to be accepted by the people I don't even respect because they fulfilled their goals. I guess that little me was just trying to find a way to remind me why I started in the first place. Now I know that I need to put my health before anything else. Next time, I won't let the world swallow me up.